Therapy Debrief

This week I debrief a recent therapy session and discover that the way I self regulate is by lying to myself:)

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Good evening. Welcome back to Car Crash Outs. It is 711 p.m. on Saturday evening. And I'm not in my car, guys. Okay, get over it. Get over it. I've gotten over it. I don't have a car anymore, I don't think. It's been a month that it's been in the shop. I think it's done for. Honestly, I've stopped holding out hope. I haven't heard back from the mechanic, but I don't want to call and be annoying because he is lending me his car or a car. Anyways, I've been wanting to sit down and record since yesterday afternoon because I had a therapy session yesterday for the first time in a really long time, and I feel like we need to debrief. But before we get into all of that, I want to talk about a few other things. First of all, I want to talk about the fact that because it's summer, I really feel like it's important that the weekends are starting on Thursdays now. Okay? I really feel like we need to be starting our weekends on Thursdays as a little warm-up. Personally, I'm gonna start drinking on Thursdays. I think consistently. It's good to have consistency and it's good to have goals. And one of my newest goals is to start drinking on Thursdays. T G I T. You know what I mean? So in case anyone out there is like, oh, I haven't been feeling, you know, great recently or I've had a bad day, mentally I'm not doing my best. Okay, well, drink about it. That's my advice to you, is just have a drink or two, and you're gonna feel a lot better. Uh okay, what was I actually gonna talk about? Oh, okay, I wanted to ask. Has anyone read the book series, the Emily Winstatt book series? It's a series about a girl who, and this is like not for adults. This is for like preteens, I think. It's like uh maybe it's like YA. I don't know. No, no, it's not. It's like it's just why. It's just for kids, really. But it's this series about this girl who is a mermaid when she touches water and a human on land. I think about this series a lot. I really feel like I need to order it on Amazon and read it all the way through. I did that with the Percy Jackson series during COVID. I was like, okay, well, I have nothing to do. And like, let's see if this series still holds up. And it did. In a sense, it did, but also I do feel like it kind of removed a little bit of the magic reading it through like an adult lens. I feel like some things you don't want to touch. Like there are certain books that you've read as a kid, certain memories you have where it's like you can't recreate that. You cannot recreate what it was like to read the Percy Jackson series for the first time. I don't think I can recreate what it was like to read the Emily Winsnap series for the first time, but um, I do remember specifically one of the books. I think it's called C Emily Winsnap and the Castle in the Mist. This book I have to get my paws on. I have to, because I okay, well, first of all, spoiler alert, okay? I'm about to spoil this certain book for you, but in this book, her okay, did I did I already say that her dad is a merman and her mom is a human? Because if I didn't, that's how we like got here. Her dad is a merman, her mom is a human. She like doesn't know her dad, I think. I don't know. It's been probably 10 years since I read these books. But I remember in this specific book in the series, something happens, and in order to break a curse, her mom and dad have to like be brought back together and like exchange rings or something. I don't know. But let me tell you, as a child of divorce, that book spoke to me in a way I can't explain. I can't explain it. I have to read it again. Moving on, I have been having a weird weekend so far. I haven't been feeling great physically or mentally, honestly. Okay, I had a therapy appointment yesterday. And before my therapy appointment, I didn't eat breakfast. Well, I had a chocolate chip cookie and a matcha. So if you can call that breakfast, then I had breakfast. But naturally, I felt like shit. I felt overcaffeinated. There was so much sugar coursing through my veins, but nothing of substance. And then I had a therapy appointment where I was like ranting and raving and sweating like a lunatic. And the reason why is because this is the first therapy appointment I've had in six months. And it was one of those things where I was like, I genuinely do not know where to start. And so it was like a little all over the place. And I know as time goes on and we kind of like get back into the swing of things, it's gonna feel a lot less chaotic. And you kind of have to do that like initial brain dump when you're getting back into it. But yeah, I was all over the place. And then after that, I immediately recorded an episode. But the thing is, I was getting ready to go to this commitment that I had and I was doing my makeup, and so the audio isn't great because I'm moving around and whatever. And then also, like, I'm I don't even know what I'm saying in that episode. I think I'm kind of like coming down off of the over-caffeination buzz and like therapy brain that I had going on, where I was just like, my mind was like just spinning. So I'm not really even stringing together any coherent thoughts. And I just I thought, you know what? Might be best to like re-record that one in a little bit of a more calm state, which is what I'm gonna do today. But yeah, those um, that episode is just like it, it's all over the place. I don't think no one's gonna know what the f I'm talking about, honestly. So we're gonna do it again. We're going to do it again. Do you know what the kind of anxious I am is? Let me tell you, I just googled, can I combine CBD gummies and Advil? Like, obviously, bitch. What do you think is going to happen? Get a grip on reality, please. And not only that, not only that, it gets worse, it gets more humiliating. I cannot swallow pills for the life of me. I know this is a problem, it's been a problem. I have tried to overcome this weird phobia. I have overcome it in some instances. Like if I really have to take a pill and there is no way around it, I can force myself to do it, but it is incredibly difficult for me. So, all of this to say, I have to buy the junior chewable Advil. Because, well, first of all, I tried to buy the kids' Advil, which comes in the little syringe. And like as a 25-year-old woman, it's just it reaches a level of embarrassment and shame that is unacceptable. And also, you pretty much just have to guzzle the whole bottle to get what you need because it's the dosage is so low. So I graduated to junior advils, and you only need like four of those. No, I take two. I think two of those is like makes up the dosage for one normal advil. Whatever. Anyways, it's ridiculous because I can't swallow pills. So here I am eating my chewable sugar-coated CBD gummies and my chewable fucking junior Advil, grape flavored, if you cared. Wondering if I can combine these. Yup. Yeah, I'll tell you right now, babe, you can combine those. You can combine those. I'm like worried about my liver health. Please, please. Oh, spare me, but I can't help it. Like, I just I am an anxious bitch. I am too anxious and I have to know. And you know what? Google said it was fine, but then later on, Google said it wasn't great. Anyways, I've decided not to take the Advils because I'm actually fine. I'm not in that much pain. And I'm just gonna like be brave about it. But Jesus Christ. Anyways, if that gives you a window into where I'm at mentally right now. Here's the thing: I had a whole plan for what I wanted to do yesterday evening. I had a whole, I had like the apartment to myself, I had the house to myself. I was like, amazing. I'm going to have a me night. I'm gonna paint my nails, I'm gonna watch a movie, I'm gonna go through my entire closet and sort everything out, like spring cleaning, get rid of everything I never wear. I'm gonna clean the house, I'm gonna take an everything shower. It's gonna be amazing. Well, guess what I did? None of that. None of that, actually. I fell asleep at 10:30. And I um, well, what happened essentially is that I cleaned the house, made myself a grilled cheese, started to go through my sock drawer, sorting through my sock drawer, realized I was absolutely exhausted, and then went to bed. So this evening is kind of like a redo. I have the house to myself again, but part of me wants to go out. It's like sunny out. I feel like I've been in my sweatpants for 48 hours. No, for like 30 hours, 26 hours. Wait, what? No, I've been in my sweatpants for like 24 hours. Am I actually losing it? It's Saturday. Okay. And I just think maybe I need to get out of them. And so, yeah, part of me wants to go meet up with my boyfriend and some of his friends later and like get some drinks and um whatever. Maybe I'll go through my closet first and then that will be my reward. I just I think I'm starting, there's a little more pep in my step, and that's because I think that what I needed to do was watch four episodes of girls eat half of a Domino's pepperoni pizza and two Domino's lava cakes and just like scroll, doom scroll for a little while. And I think I'm starting return to return back to like my center. I think I'm I'm finding myself again. I'm feeling better, but who knows how long that'll last. Who knows how long that will last? We'll see. We'll see how I feel. No promises, because can flip on a dime, let me tell you. Anyways, I do want to talk about my therapy session yesterday. Uh I okay, before I get into it, maybe I should give you like a little background on my relationship with therapy and my like journey with it. Essentially, I have been seeing the same woman for I don't know, a long time. Like, I want to say maybe six years. I said maybe six years. I think maybe I started seeing her when I was 19. I love her. I would say I'm kind of in terms of my relationship with therapy, I don't know that it's like 1000% necessary, but I have heard um for me, but but I do find it really, really helpful. And I think I do think in some ways it is necessary in order for me to like grow in the ways that I want to grow and have a better understanding of myself. Um, I have heard one of my favorite podcasts that I listen to is The Vile Files. The host is actually an ex-bachelor contestant. And he's created this like huge show, and it's all about like pop culture and relationships and whatever. And he always says that therapy should be treated like a bicycle. Wait, what does he say? He goes, Therapy should be treated like a bicycle helmet rather than reconstructive surgery, or something like that. It should be treated like a seatbelt rather than reconstructive surgery, whatever it is. Essentially, the viewpoint is just that therapy can be very beneficial in moments of crisis. Um, but it can also be beneficial as more of a preventative tool. And I think I've used it as both. I think I've used it as a tool in moments where like I just I really, really need a professional perspective on something. And then I've also used it as almost like life coaching in a sense, where it's just like, okay, like, you know what? Actually, things are going really well for me right now, but maybe this is the moment where I can kind of like zero in on the smaller things that I'd like to understand about myself or whatever it is. So I love it. I feel like I'm a big therapy advocate. I really feel like at some point in everyone's lives, they should try it. I don't think that everyone needs to be in therapy all of the time. I think also like all therapists are not created equal. And if you're not like in a space to be able to really open yourself up to the experience of being in therapy and like you are not present and not committed to doing that work, then there's there is really no point. But I do think that like we could all stand to have a professional tell us what the f is going on and psychoanalyze us a little bit and maybe tell us the things that the people around us don't know how to tell us, or help us discover the things about ourselves that we are not able to discover by ourselves. So, anyways, yeah, it's been really beneficial for me. I often feel like I will walk into a therapy session feeling like my brain is completely scrambled and I will walk out just feeling like it's been organized. And it's really, really lovely. In this session in particular, I still feel a little bit scrambled, but I think that's because it is the first one in a while, like I said, and I think that I need to like do a little bit of extra homework to try and get all of my thoughts in order. That's also something that I've never done with therapy, which I want to start doing, and maybe it'll be like a little series on here, depending on like what I'm willing to share. But I think that debriefing the session sometimes for me is like just as helpful as the session itself. And I also think that it could be helpful, I don't know, maybe not, but maybe it could be helpful for other people to kind of have like some type of idea of what um what goes on in these sessions, like what type of things I'm talking about in these sessions. I think I'm very curious what other people my age and in in my kind of circumstances or similar circum circumstances to me are are talking about in their sessions, what type of work they're doing in their sessions. Um and so I'm gonna try and share a little bit about that without obviously completely oversharing, but you know, we'll try and find the balance. Um, so, anyways, yeah, let's get into it. I think a theme of this session was something that I didn't really expect to talk about, but in retrospect is kind of a belief system or a pattern that everything in my life revolves around, which is this feeling of not enoughness, or always telling myself that I'll do something when I'm ready and that I'm just not ready yet, but that I'll do it once I'm ready. Having certain goals, having certain aspirations, wanting things for myself, not having them, and not taking the steps to get to them or to achieve them, because I have gotten very comfortable telling myself, oh, I'm going to do that once XYZ happens, once I figure out this other area of my life, once I've researched this thing enough, once I feel ready, once I'm in this specific position, once I've saved this amount of money, once I feel whatever it is, I always seem to have a reason why now is not the time. Or I will also feel like even if maybe I have a certain goal or a certain aspiration or a certain want for myself, and I do achieve it, that that I'm perpetually moving the goalpost. And now that I've gotten there, well, I immediately am looking to the next thing that I need to do or achieve. And it's this like, it's this cycle that I've found myself in. And I think that when something is cyclical, that is when it needs to start to be addressed. And so that's what I want to do. And I also think that the reason that this is coming up for me right now, specifically, is because I'm kind of being confronted with the idea of permanence right now in a way that I haven't been up until this point. I think maybe that's like a very scary thing that starts to happen in our mid-20s. Well, actually, you know what? It's different for everyone. Like, I think people have this kind of like crisis at different times in their lives, depending on where they're at, because right now, I think for me, it feels like everything is coming to a head in terms of committing to a city that I want to live in long-term and put roots down in, committing to a career path that I'd like to invest time and energy and money into, committing to a long-term relationship that I want to build into something long-lasting and beautiful and sustainable. And all of these things have this element of permanence to them that scare me so badly. It really, really scares me. And I don't know if that's something that I've really thought about a lot until I kind of like until I had this conversation the other day. I mean, I have thought about it, but not in this exact way. And this way of moving through life shows up for me in so many small ways. And I've become so good at creating so many little systems throughout my days and throughout my weeks and my months in order to like cope and kind of self-soothe in a sense. Because I almost like it's not that I don't have how do I put this? I think an overarching feeling is the feeling of being stuck. And I think a lot of us feel that way. I think, especially when we're not established in a career, which is a huge one, we feel very much like it's not for lack of aspirations. It's not a lack of motivation, even. It's a lack of the ability to take the first step. And I think that I am someone who is constantly thinking about what my next move is and what I want to do next, and how can I improve my life in all these various aspects, which is great. But I think what happens is that I've created this habit where it's like a lack of belief, I guess, in myself because I will have an idea and I will immediately shoot that idea down. It's like, like as soon as the idea pops up in my brain, that next thought is a million reasons why it's a terrible idea. And that is obviously a cycle that I need to break because I do think that's holding me back. And I think I'm actually getting better with that. I think even sitting here talking, creating this podcast is something that I probably wouldn't have done a year ago because I would have thought, like, oh, you know what, that would be fun to do. And then I would have immediately come up with a million reasons why it's stupid and embarrassing and I shouldn't do it. And I think that the people who succeed, when I say succeed, that can apply to so many different areas, but the people who feel successful in their lives and their careers in whatever avenue it is, are the people who are able to override that and they are able to kind of like keep it pushing forward, regardless of that little voice in the back of your head that tells you, like, oh, but maybe you shouldn't, maybe this is a bad idea, maybe whatever, you know. Like, I think that that is like a very valuable thing. It's like that little voice of doubt. And I think it's normal to have that little voice of doubt, and it's important in certain scenarios, but when it becomes like the loudest voice and it kind of is like the dictator, that's when it is like, that's when it becomes an issue. And so I feel like the other thing that we discussed in my session yesterday was how this dynamic that I have with myself, I guess, this like pattern that I've created of never feeling like it's enough, whatever it is, like genuinely apply it to any situation, never feeling like it's quite enough. And also at the same time, the feeling of actually genuinely being okay with that. Um, it's really hard to describe the feeling because it's multiple things existing at once. It is equally feeling like something is not enough, being incredibly grateful for what I have, and telling myself that I'm perfectly okay with where I'm at because eventually I will change my circumstances or I will change the thing that I am unhappy with. So therefore, I can be happy with where I'm at right now. And I think there are obviously aspects to everyone's lives where you have to be patient. Because obviously, we all have goals that cannot be achieved like this. They are goals that take time to build towards. And so you have to be able to have an element of wanting something, but also being grateful for what you have for the time being, but also knowing that you're going to work towards that thing in the future. But I think for me, the difference is I I have a goal. Simultaneously, I'm very grateful for my current. State, my current my current circumstances. And then I am telling myself I'm going to achieve that goal, but I'm not taking the steps to achieve the goal. And instead, I'm doing a whole bunch of weird other little things that I think we could probably call like coping mechanisms. And my therapist, she kind of talked to me about how it's interesting that I have this overarching feeling of needing more, not feeling like that, that like not enoughness feeling. I don't know how to describe it, but to be able to feel that while simultaneously also feeling really grateful. Here, I'll give you an example because this is very like vague the way I'm speaking about it. But if we look at body image, um, sorry, this is so rambly and all over the place. Like I don't know how to talk about this in a way that's concise and makes any sense. So you're just gonna try to have to like bear with me. But if I look at body image, I have always been someone who I have a very neutral mindset when it comes to body image. And that is because I will have this relationship where with myself where I'm like, hmm, maybe I'm not ecstatic about the way that I look. Is any woman under 30? I don't know. But maybe I'm not, you know what? Is any woman ever age unrelated? Like, whatever. I'll be like, maybe I'm not ecstatic about the way that I look. Maybe I don't even like the way I look right now, but I will immediately tell myself, yeah, but girl, it's fine because this is temporary. Like, just give it six months. You're gonna be shredded, you're gonna be fit as fk. Like, I will tell myself that this is temporary as a way to be okay with my current state. So, my whole point with this is that that way of thinking about things is apparently, I've been told by my therapist, kind of an indicator that this whole belief system is more of a self-regulation tactic rather than a deep belief that I have about myself. It is a way to self-soothe rather than like some sort of deep overarching belief I have that like I'm not enough or what I have isn't enough, or whatever it is. And it's more like we all have general anxieties about where we're at in our lives, and we all have aspirations. And in order to cope with all of those things, I have created this thought pattern of what's the word? This this thought pattern of constantly falling back on something not being permanent, on the idea of, oh, but one day I will do this, when I'm ready, I will do this, or I will change this, or whatever it is. I hope I'm making any sense at all. Honestly, I feel like I'm talking in circles, but um, for instance, I am someone who will like clean my house as a way to like relieve anxiety or as a way to um bring myself like a little bit of peace of mind or feel accomplished or kind of get that like hit of I feel productive, which I think a lot of people do. Um, my mother does it, her mother did it, her mother probably did it. Um, yeah, it's like very, very, very ingrained into me. And wait, where was I even going with this? Hmm. Okay, let me just go. I'm here's the thing. I don't know what I was talking about because my phone shut down. But we're back. And yeah, I don't know what point I was in the middle of making. Um oh, I did want to give like another example though, of this whole thing that I'm talking about, which is I lived in Montreal for a couple years. I don't, I can't remember if I've mentioned this or not, but I lived in Montreal for a couple of years, and during that time, I had a really hard time kind of creating a sense of community there. I didn't have a lot of good friends there. I really had barely any good friends there. I mean, I lived with my close friends, but outside of that, um, I had a hard time meeting people. And you would think that as like a 20, I think I was 22 when I moved, 21, 22-year-old, that would have like really bothered me and that I would have felt like a lot of sadness around that and like grieved the fact that I was or or felt like very lonely, or I don't know, but I kind of feel like my mindset was very much, oh, well, yeah, I don't like know that many people here right now where I don't have a sense of community right now, but it's fine because eventually I know that I will, which is great. It's good to have that awareness, obviously, but it can get to a point where you're just avoiding the reality, which is girl, like go out there and make some friends. And it's not for lack of trying. I did, I did try, I did put myself out there like a couple times, but I think that I was held back a little bit by this like over, like almost being too okay with my current situation while simultaneously wanting something else, not taking the steps toward it. I've already talked about this, blah, blah, blah. I'm talking in circles. But yeah, that's just like another concrete example of being like, I want this thing, but I'm so good at telling myself that eventually I will get there, and then not taking the steps to get there that I'm just like creating this like weird cycle for myself that gets me. No, and you know what? I was right because I did end up moving to a new city. I ended I moved to Vancouver. I've had a much easier time meeting people here and making friends here, and like things have, you know, kind of panned out in a way that that feels good. And I was right in a sense, like that was just a season. Uh, but I just wonder where the line is. Like, where's the line between telling ourselves that the space we're in, the place we're at, is just a season and it's going to pass, and eventually we will achieve the things that we want to achieve. Where's the line between that being a very real and valid way of thinking or using it as a way to avoid your real life situation that you're in right now? That's what I want to know. Um, yeah, I'm curious. Anyways, I think at the end of the day, it's just important to take note of when something is a pattern. I can recognize that this is a pattern for myself. I can recognize I have this fear of diving into something that has an air of permanence. I think it's much easier to err on the side of things being temporary and moving in a way that feels very temporary and moving in a way that allows you to feel like if everything were to kind of be taken away, it'd be fine. I can pivot. I haven't put that much into this. Like any place that I lived, any relationships I had for a long time, I felt like I held myself back from them because I was very aware that things could change very quickly. And I was very aware that I wanted to move and I wanted to whatever, I wanted to have the freedom to like pick up my life and and just pivot and and not really have it be that big of a deal. And that's just not the space that I'm in now. Like it would be a big deal if I were to kind of like turn my life upside down or move to a different city or whatever it is. Like that would be a big deal. And in order to have things that are important to you and that are precious and that you are proud of and that you've worked hard for, you have to be okay with the idea of permanence. So that's what I'm working on right now. And the other thing that I'm thinking about actually is that I think there's an element of like um perfectionism to me, where I do struggle with that idea of something more permanent because in my head, if it's going to be permanent, it needs to be perfect. And so that's tough because I look at, for instance, the apartment that I live in, and I love my apartment so much. But I also have a very bad habit. Well, is it a bad habit though? I don't know. I also tend to do this thing where wherever I live, I'm constantly looking for ways to improve the space that I'm in. And I think that's great because I love a little like DIY. I like like a little at-home project, I love to like paint and and create, I don't know, new things and whatever and make the space feel good. Like I do love that. But if it's a feeling of like I'm not going to be able to rest until it's perfect, why am I out of breath right now? I'm literally sitting on the couch, but I'm out of breath. Oh my God. Um, anyways, I think that the dangerous part of that mindset of like always looking for something to improve in like my apartment is that it's never going to feel finished. It's never going to feel done. And also, this is not my forever home. So I have that element to it where it's like I try to walk the line between creating a space that feels really good, that I love to live in, and also not going overboard and pouring too much time and energy and money into this space, knowing that I'm going to leave it at some point. I'm like, guys, how the f do we walk that line? I don't know. I think it's so hard. I struggle with that in terms of relationships too, in terms of friendships, in terms of romantic relationships. Like, how do you pour so much time and love and energy into something and you're building these relationships ideally towards like something that is very strong and very special and irreplaceable? And you're putting this time and this energy and effort into it. But relationships are never going to be quote perfect, and you're never going to reach like a destination. So when do you like pull back and when do you push forward? That's my question. I don't know. I have not figured out that dance at all. I think I have a bad habit of pushing and pushing and pushing forward because I'm impatient, because I want it to be the best it could possibly be. And then like I think that maybe sometimes when I'm doing that, I am like actually accidentally doing the opposite thing. I don't know. I don't know, guys. I don't know. I don't know what the f I'm talking about. Seriously. Does any do you guys like are you getting anything from this? Is anything I'm saying making sense? Uh, it's tough. It's tough. It's so many conflicting feelings, like all at once. It's so many different like ideologies. It's hard to wrap my brain around it. I think that when I break it down to a really simple concept, it's like trying to grapple with the idea of loving what I have, being grateful for what I have, wanting more, wanting better, wanting perfection in some ways, and being really good at telling myself maybe like little lies that make me feel better about the things that I want, and convincing myself that I will get those things, I will achieve those things. I don't need them right now because I know that I'll get there and not taking the steps to get there. And I know I've said that already, but it's like, I guess that is what this is at the end of the day. And um, like I said before as well, I think I'm getting a lot better at that. It's really difficult to do, but it's like a work in progress. It's hard to work towards something when you don't know what the end goal is. Oh God. I need to watch like four more episodes of girls, and then I need to have three double gin and tonics and um and sleep for 10 hours. So I think that's what I'm gonna do, to be honest with you. I wish that there could be a poll in Live Time where you guys could tell me if I should stay out. Wait, no, no, no, if I should stay in or go out tonight. I'm leaning towards go out. I think I need a drink. I don't know. Wait, or should I stay in? Okay, or should I go through my entire closet right now so that I have like a little sense of accomplishment, then get ready and go out. Then I can go out on the town feeling accomplished. Or am I gonna get one drawer in till my my dresser and give up the same way I did last night? I don't know. I just don't know. It's so hard to say. Okay, well, I think that that is more than enough rambling on my part. I hope that anything I just said made any sense at all. Um unfortunately, I don't have another therapy session for another like two weeks, which is devastating. Um, I need these sessions to be like five hours long. One hour is not even kind of enough to scratch the surface. As soon as that hour mark comes up, I'm going, oh my god, no, please, please give me another hour. Give me another five. I cannot possibly say everything I need to say within this hour right now. I need to book a session tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the next day after that. Like, I am in it right now. Anyways. Okay, well, I am kind of sleepy, so it could go either way, to stay in or to go out. That's the question. That is ultimately the question. Um, well, I don't know if you're listening to this on a Saturday night, but if you are, then why go do something else? No, I'm kidding. Um, enjoy your morning, your afternoon, your evening, whenever, wherever you're listening to this. I hope that it has. I hope if anything, it's made your brain feel a little bit more calm. I hope, well, A, I hope you felt like you took something away from this. And if you didn't, I hope you were entertained. And if neither of those things happened for you, I hope you feel better about yourself. Okay, well, I feel like this episode was very it was it was true to uh it was true to car crash outs in the sense that I was I do feel like this was a little bit of a crash out on my part, and it won't be the last. So thank you so much for listening. I hope that I have given you something to chew on, and I will talk to you next week. Bye.